i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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