According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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