Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
