His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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