Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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