Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
