Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
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She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
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Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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