seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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