I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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