Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
