fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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