I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
