Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I think your dad took our porno
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
