Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Will exercising make me less horny?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
