dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
