I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
