I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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