Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
