I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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