i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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