I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
