I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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