i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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