I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
