I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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