Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
