but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
