She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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