i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
