I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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