he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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