his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
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