she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
