some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
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Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
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Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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