So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
