At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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