I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
