I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
