why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
