return my video game
youre lurking in front of me
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
