Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
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Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
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She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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