Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize