Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
