First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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