I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
