My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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