fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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