I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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