I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
