see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
