one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
