If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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