i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
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Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
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I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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