Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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