im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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