there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
