I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
