Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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