he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
