his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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