we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
