I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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