before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
