If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
