whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
