and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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