he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
