My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
third nipple confirmed
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
