i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
