You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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